It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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