I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the condom got lost in my hair
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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