Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
