She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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