wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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