I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
