allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
