I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
