Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize