He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
