a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
