I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
