I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
