I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
