OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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