So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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