I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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