Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
