Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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