I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
