I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
