ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Couch. On fire.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
