I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
