when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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