I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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