i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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