ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
