Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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