Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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