Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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