I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
