I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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