Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
As shirtless as possible
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
