I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The beer is more important than you right now.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
