now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize