Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
