New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Randomize
