There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
