shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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