If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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