just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
