the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
