Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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