are you so shy because you have an std?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
