Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
