Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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