did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
