im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
