I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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