Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
