Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
