Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He did a backflip because drugs
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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