I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
