Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
