I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
