If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
