none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
