i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
