porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize