Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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