I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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