Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She is in my trunk
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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