Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
