I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
