My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
