My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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