Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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