my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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