Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
