my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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