My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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