He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
