my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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