And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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