I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
