So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
