First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I could make wine with my vomit
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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