The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can tuck mytits in my pants
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
