i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize